Thursday, June 12, 2014

Epitaph For Monkey In The Middle

Dear dybbuks:

Your comely appearances while pleasant bore me
Although your devotion to family is good, it sickens me, nonetheless
Have you never heard that if you marry an ugly girl, you will be happy?
What are you trying to prove?
My chaotic depraved upbringing emboldens my perversion
The past you neatly tuck away while doing the right things nauseates
Ick!  Did you quit drinking?  Are you apolitical?
The writer's burden is better, and you know it
Your handsomeness will never match my effort
As my whole nature jaundiced, Cancerous, and moribund
You will watch my demise as surely I am humiliated

Peer into my den of iniquity while you sample a life bloated and failing
Once the plain Jane, I am now worse
What makes you love me, still?
Do you feel an obligation to find me still pitiful, yet adored only by you?
Ah, it is another way for you to identify with your blood
Sanguine coursing through your river of persistence
Lust is mine and yours with no hesitation
Lacking in pretense, we three abide it insidious
God damn you!  Militaristic devotees of one who lets go
You curs, I left you out in the rain, ditched and forgot
But, we suck insipid raw and return

No exit this limbo we are doomed to do
In my watery grave, you will watch as my ashes scatter
Into the sea us three, as your tears and laughter find requite
I still love only you two, although I meant to give it to others
But in whoring, I found that I had only two true knights
Press the fucking button, and send me off with Marble Halls
For I am just woman, despite my vain attempts to resist
Assholes!  I cry over you, and it is why I cannot overcome
I hope you feel terrible, because I blame you, justly
Thus reveals the last vestige of my futile pursuit
Fuck you guys, seriously.

Love,

Stephanie






Friday, May 23, 2014

Duende

Six cents beyond violence
Stark, lanky white stems
Inky eye drops inside
Endless twists of chiffon
Crackling draped wispy elegance
Blurs over record skips

Blindly bent over you
Wild momentary
Cacophonous deftly dies
Bluish hue lavender crash
Feverish fruit lost lust
Forced morbidly mine

Winds wasted wrecked
Palate cleanse French torsion
Dare delicate blossom
Fragile vulnerable pith
Tomes dust off wont
Weeps eternal

Twain evergreen
Fidelity soul mind
Surviving simple still
Forever forgotten
Empath sure
Trust is continuity

Rose dusty escape
Smokey silence clocks resist
Center hold safe love's abiding seas
Lugubrious washed on tides
Hoary dissolve air's ills
Slow sunshine opens

Doors divine fate begin again
Denizen division intervene
Her house is tranquil
Falling into you
Capture agony transpire
Slip inside me sincere


























Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Nigh

Your breath against my skin reminds me of our fragile significance
and how soon we will part, so in this close moment, Ah, so close
we remain.

How simple it is that I have you, once more.
That memory of your scent is lit with delicate flavor
while hearts beat blood quicken.

Offer your hand as mine entwine, and we are one.
That bond though firm but tremulous.
What seemed weak in love is strong while we slowly die
in sweet catharsis, widens a world lost on false purpose
and this otherworldly existence overshadows the ordinary.

Monday, March 3, 2014

I Am No One

No one is arrogant
No one is illegal
No one is famous
No one is intelligent
No one is suspicious
No one is believable
No one is hated
No one is Jesus
No one is Atheist
No one is Jewish
No one is American
No one is political
No one is hungry
No one is lying
No one is nice
No one is beautiful
No one is fat
No one is pitied
No one is obsequious
No one is special
No one is dyslexic
No one is disabled
No one is addicted
No one is tortured
No one is abused
No one is confused
No one is loved
No one is rebellious
No one is happy
No one is neglected
No one is defensive
No one is perfect
No one is finished

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Flesh

To know is wise but now?
What have I produced but a mirage?
It is a fool's pursuit and yet it continues
I exist without friendship
It should sting with tears but does not
Alone with myself, I realize I am all I need
It is no different now than before
I am the same as I have been
Without connection or allied with thinkers
One ilk is no comfort
While cliches perpetuate false standards
I glimpse it and know for a moment
All philosophy thrown away into imagination
Becomes like a sea lost on some horizon
Where are our principles and disciplines?
The fight will never transpire into true transformation
America is a land of do it another day
Civil wars lost not fought for your picket fence
Who are we without democracy?
We are whores one and all
Though denial may place a veil over your face
Viscerally you know that it is true
A poser did it, and it is done
No glory, no big win, and no prize
Just more plastic passion and endless hours of fleshy catharsis
I see a continuity is all that is
Ethics became unimportant for you
A battle and hatred and words of enmity
But what is it?
It is failure
A failure of pride, hope, and decency
A failure of love, trust, and acceptance
The pity itself is not real, either
Nothing is, except hours of waiting
Do these things make you wish you had more?
What would it get you?
There is no heaven and no hell
It is black, evil, and illicit
We have gone backward from progress
And for what?
For nothing

Monday, December 30, 2013

I Love A Whore

I love your flesh, you big beautiful woman.
I know your pussy as if it is mine.
Live it, and god damn it, I can't quit you, girl.
Your sweet indulgence is my forgiveness.
It is so good to be in love with you.
I can't help it, if I can't stand being without you.
You know my pleasure is your pain, but I'll make it go away.
I am the lusty cure for all that ails, as you forget fidelity.
My endless devotion is easy for me, baby.
I need your everything, baby, because you know me.
Fuck me, you are the best I've ever seen.
You know you are good at what you do.
I cannot stop falling in love with you loving me.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Pain

I am unloved, unloving, and disgusting.
I am a whore who does not care at all about her jons.
They are all jons.  They are faceless, boring, pieces of flesh.
I am nothing, no one, used, old, and fat.
I am lazy, afraid, and alone.
Your obsession is paid for by the government.
Your interest is in the drama that unfolds.
It is cruel and perverted.  I am the lowest common denominator.
I am putrid, malleable, and uninterested in your dyad as compromise.
Continuity appeals more to me than co-dependency.
I could find comfort in an easy existence.
It is my foolish choice to stand naked in front of you.
You hate me as you are told by religious tradition.
I would feel proud of my independence, but I cannot.
As the insults overwhelm me, I would scream out but stay silent.
Frozen in fear, I bear it eternally.
I am lost among those who ignorantly tolerate it.
I should be dead by now, but I do not have the ability to do it.
If I told you to kill me, you would not.
We both know that you would pay more than I.
I used to love some, but now I know it is not real.
Love has gone from my life permanently.
I am in hell on Earth.  This hell is mitigated by fleeting moments of pleasure.
I am forgotten and oppressed, but I persist.
Why would I want this torture?
I hate it, but you refuse to bend and instead lay into me.
I hit myself again, but no one cares.  They feel it to be justice.
I am no woman, anymore.  I have no other name than slut.
My healing is impossible.  I do not expect real transcendence.
I will be dust to dust soon enough.
When I am, the suffering will end.
Until then, I am your punching bag, scapegoat, and catharsis.
I sense you are forced to do it, because we move too swiftly.
Celerity allows this diatribe to be the sound bite.
Rancorous indulgences defend themselves.
My defense is pathetic and weak.
I have, finally undone the years of analysis that coerced a lie.
That fabrication I discerned to be will continue to haunt me.
If only I had sold out and attempted to be you, it still would not work.
I only accept the love of other whores when necessary.
I wait until our next meeting when redundancy comes.