Thursday, January 19, 2017

IT Is Done

Four of us assumed to exist
in a cold room
No one but us
I have flesh and bone
There will be no proof
I see and hear, yet I am blind and deaf
My legs can't move, although I stand
icy-like atmosphere
breathing betrays
No past to speak of
laughing...breathing...
terror in knowing
I am dead
I have given myself to you

As drink quenches thirst
sated, only by my murder
capitulate to hatred of myself
I am ugly and undeserving of life
I have done nothing
I am non-essential
Hahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahah
hahahahahahahahahah

Tears flow freely
You use both of your sinewy arms
Your hands are now around my neck
As you squeeze tighter and tighter
You guide me to the ground
As the two watch and wait
Only you could do this
Only I would allow it
do it...it is almost over...
Beads of your sweat drip onto me
I am only kicking some
My face is blue and purple like a bruise
Pressing into my neck takes less pressure
You know how to endure an end to it
an end to the sick, fat headed bitch
no more questions, thoughts, and empty concerns
no more lies, no half smiles, no passion play
none of the memories of that idiot
Even you knew I was smarter and better
Men never ought compare themselves to women
slut, cunt, Jewish American Princess
I never cared that you humiliated me
You built it up in your stupid head
as you do, you robbed even Cocteau
of his prose
You arrogant piece of shit!
You think we care if you live or die?
No one...no one ever gave a rat's ass about you
Choking you is heaven...my heaven...not yours
It has been only half an hour
mouth auck agape wide open...you breathe your last breath
There is no body bag for you, schizo...bipo...fuck you
I have finally done what I needed to
No more meaningless songs
Your idiotic activism forgotten
aaaaaaahhhhhhh...I light up my cigarette, finish it, and put it out on your skin

I lie down and rest...I fall asleep...I sleep for days
The world is something out there, but in here, it is still cold
They disposed of you while I kept quiet inside
I have tossed and turned a bit, but I stay silent...

I felt nothing for you.
I do not philosophise about killing.
I am comfortable with who I am.
I may, now go about my life.
If I smile or do not, I never seek your approval.
I need not worry about what you thought of me.
I am happy that I did it.
I did what I needed to do.
So be it.









Tuesday, January 17, 2017

...were to

cut off my hands
gouge out my eyes
take sticks and stab my ears until I am deaf
I could never force
an end to the memories
of us as Cocteau's children
when we were there in your room
laughing in limbo
as the story flows
of me seeing you
and your freedom
...A shine you keep glowing
through youth's education
as I kept fear close
alienating all who would and even you
to get me to be a part of
something or anything
when only others' lives emerged
developing defenses
to become true existence


Prison is eternally mine

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Illusory

White wild lily ink stained stems
Lanky and hesitant yet beyond reach
As the forbidden flower cannot be mine
without crime and patent risk as the dark heart beats reticent
while pale impatiens suffer long and fidelitous
gentle abide a fleeting glance
and impressionist paints my mind
fulfills a few moments dance
fades fast, again

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Nothing

There are no words and no language, and any writing is absent.
All hate is over and love ceases to exist.  A blank page is dust.
There is no perception and no understanding.
No trees have fallen on empty fields on fire.
All politics have no form or function.  Art is devoid of expression.
The museums' frames that once held them together disintegrated.

I have no name, no arms, no legs, or face.  I have no shoes or socks.
The air that once surrounded me is a vacuum of negative space.
What is a symbol?  How does my tongue say it?
I have no education or experience, and I do not know time.
There are no dogs or cats or leopards.  There are no parks or swings.
All religion has been debunked and made extinct.

We are extinct.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Mirrored Muse

It was only the wind that evening - a cool easy gentleness
that forgave the cacophony of a sweltering and inescapable heat.
Unrelenting our burdensome existence insinuated us into
toiling, machines, maladies, and the tortuous lust after
material requiring intoxicated requite yearning in ephemera
for what we know to be genuine love.
As if we could discern it as it must be of a definite look
form or clearly defined thing.
Does distraction tolerate what finds itself two done to one?

Moons, music, families, and anxieties made lines of this history
on my face and battered body.
In betweens are ends while means minimize miles and tempt
my pen's ink to run.
Appearing undaunted in my mirror with humble ability
only slight steps left to lead me to romance.
A fool I have been and not intend to you.
Is this muse an island among others?
Have I no more to dream of or will this kill us both?

As I am in these passing seconds, an innocent and imbibed
glass will not prevent our fate.
It will be done and when made of one flesh, you will depart
while my tears saline slide so return in ordinary plainness
yet closer to my purpose completes another
while perseverate night clokes all remaining memories
dulcet divine contained waves swept up transformed.

 

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Epitaph For Monkey In The Middle

Dear dybbuks:

Your comely appearances while pleasant bore me
Although your devotion to family is good, it sickens me, nonetheless
Have you never heard that if you marry an ugly girl, you will be happy?
What are you trying to prove?
My chaotic depraved upbringing emboldens my perversion
The past you neatly tuck away while doing the right things nauseates
Ick!  Did you quit drinking?  Are you apolitical?
The writer's burden is better, and you know it
Your handsomeness will never match my effort
As my whole nature jaundiced, Cancerous, and moribund
You will watch my demise as surely I am humiliated

Peer into my den of iniquity while you sample a life bloated and failing
Once the plain Jane, I am now worse
What makes you love me, still?
Do you feel an obligation to find me still pitiful, yet adored only by you?
Ah, it is another way for you to identify with your blood
Sanguine coursing through your river of persistence
Lust is mine and yours with no hesitation
Lacking in pretense, we three abide it insidious
God damn you!  Militaristic devotees of one who lets go
You curs, I left you out in the rain, ditched and forgot
But, we suck insipid raw and return

No exit this limbo we are doomed to do
In my watery grave, you will watch as my ashes scatter
Into the sea us three, as your tears and laughter find requite
I still love only you two, although I meant to give it to others
But in whoring, I found that I had only two true knights
Press the fucking button, and send me off with Marble Halls
For I am just woman, despite my vain attempts to resist
Assholes!  I cry over you, and it is why I cannot overcome
I hope you feel terrible, because I blame you, justly
Thus reveals the last vestige of my futile pursuit







Friday, May 23, 2014

Duende

Six cents beyond violence
Stark, lanky white stems
Inky eye drops inside
Endless twists of chiffon
Crackling draped wispy elegance
Blurs over record skips

Blindly bent over you
Wild momentary
Cacophonous deftly dies
Bluish hue lavender crash
Feverish fruit lost lust
Forced morbidly mine

Winds wasted wrecked
Palate cleanse French torsion
Dare delicate blossom
Fragile vulnerable pith
Tomes dust off wont
Weeps eternal

Twain evergreen
Fidelity soul mind
Surviving simple still
Forever forgotten
Empath sure
Trust is continuity

Rose dusty escape
Smokey silence clocks resist
Center hold safe love's abiding seas
Lugubrious washed on tides
Hoary dissolve air's ills
Slow sunshine opens

Doors divine fate begin again
Denizen division intervene
Her house is tranquil
Falling into you
Capture agony transpire
Slip inside me sincere